Ah yes. Just as you've gotten over the stress and press of the Christmas holidays, here comes Valentine's Day. Another Hallmark holiday designed to commercialize true love and fuel the economy. Normally, I would rebel at the notion, but since Valentine's Day is primarily designed to please women and I particularly like to be pleased, it has become one of my favorite holidays.

Like Christmas, Easter and other Christian holidays, Valentine's Day has its roots plunged deep into ancient, pagan soil. For centuries, ancient Romans celebrated the festival of Lupercus, a deity of sensual pleasure and fertility. During the Lupercalia, young men ran about the towns smacking women with the pelts of sacrificial goats to ensure fertility and easy childbirth. They also held a lottery to draw the names of prospective mates. All of this was accompanied by much singing, dancing, feasting and, of course, sexing. Lupercus was also known as Faunus and in Greek mythology, Pan. You remember Pan, the satyr who watched over shepherds and had sex with anything that was, well, anything. Lupercus is still with us anytime we use the word "horny" to describe a state of, um…extreme sexual urgency that characterized that old goat.

Anyway, along comes the Catholic Church with its extremely effective way of coopting these pesky pagan festivals to convert those stubborn nature worshippers to the "true faith." In this case it was Pope Gelasius I who outlawed the Lupercalia in AD 496 and replaced it with a morally suitable celebration. February 15, the original date of the Lupercalia, became the Feast of the Purification of the Virgin Mary and the Pope selected the martyred Saint Valentine as the patron saint of the not-so-new but morally improved festival of lovers on February 14.

Emperor Claudius beheaded Bishop Valentine in AD 270 for secretly performing weddings for young men who were supposed to serve in the Emperor's army and therefore remain single. While Valentine was imprisoned, he fell in love with the blind daughter of his jailer. He is said to have miraculously healed her blindness before his death. Before he was taken to be stoned and beheaded, he signed a farewell message to her, "From your Valentine." The term Valentine has been used ever since.

Great story right? Okay, fast-forward about 1700 years to 2004. Now you've got to be creative and put together a Valentine's Day that your sweetie will remember.

"Valentine's Day is what is known as an 'calculated reward'," says John Daly, a communications professor at the University of Texas at Austin who specializes in interpersonal relationships. "We expect special treatment and it's really nothing special. Unless, of course, we forget. Then there's hell to pay!" The way Daly explains it has everything to do with the "story" of the relationship. From the time we begin dating, we construct legends about the relationship that help anchor its significance. What happens over time is that the stories become more and more traditional and we sometimes lose the spontaneity that is the hallmark of a new relationship.

"When you first start dating, you can be walking in the mall. Your honey says, 'Hold on, I'll be right back' and dashes into a nearby store and comes out with a balloon or some candy or a teddy bear or something and you'll remember that for the rest of your life because it was unexpected. It happened randomly. It didn't have to be expensive; in fact, most of the things that can really move us are the small thoughtful, spontaneous gestures. Then, after years together, people get into a rut."

My husband explains it in this rather brutish way. "When you first fall in love, it's all about trying to please her so you can get a piece. After you've been married awhile, you still have to do those things just to get some peace!" (I'll deal with him later!) But Daly agreed with that assessment.

"To keep a relationship alive you have to do two things; you have to be creative and spontaneous, and you have to be other-focused. That means that while you do have to celebrate Valentine's Day (unless you and your sweetie agree that you really don't want to) you should do something truly special each year. It also means that you have to give some thought to what your mate wants, not necessarily what you want her to have."

So are those couples that do the same thing every year for Valentine's Day doomed to hearts-and-flowers hell? Not necessarily, says the professor. There are endless variations on a theme. You can give her roses one year, trail rose petals from a warm scented bath to the bed or give a gold-dipped rose. You can give a different kind of flower every year, such as orchids, and birds of paradise or daisies. You can give her dozens of flowers all at once or one flower a day for dozens of days. Same thing with chocolate, dinner out, jewelry, anything.

"The whole idea is to respect the role of ritual in our relationships. Rituals create memories, they are the punctuation marks of life," Daly says.

So if you want Valentine's Day to be an exclamation mark, you have to put some thought into it.

"Exactly. If you're going to do dinner, go to a different restaurant every year, or, conversely, go to the same restaurant every year but only on that day. But generally the more personalized the evening, the better. You have to manage expectations from year to year. And make no mistake about it, there are expectations!"

And here's where the thoughtfulness has to come into it. What if you ask your mate what she considers the perfect way to spend Valentine's Day and she says it would be perfect to spend it in Paris and you don't have the time off or the money? Then what? Then you take her to an elegant French restaurant; you learn a few phrases in French, pick up a romantic French movie and CD. Get the picture?

Daly says, "We have a saying in marketing: 'Never love the product, love what the product does for you. If you can create a French ambiance, you'll be rewarded for the effort."

So far, this has been aimed at the fellas. Ladies, we have some responsibility here too. There's nothing wrong with switching roles and being the proactive one when it comes to planning and executing a memorable Valentine's Day. Given the antecedents of the holiday, however, it seems logical to me that our role consists mainly of two things. The first is that you have to look really good. If you normally wear slacks and you have great legs, wear a great dress-yes, with high heels. (I know these hurt, but they won't be on long!) Wear whatever makes you look alluring and luscious. "Men have evolved over millions of years to be visual. Even into modern times they crave the thrill of the hunt," said Ann Marie Fleming, a licensed marriage and family therapist for twenty-four years who has been married for twenty.

"So, I encourage every woman to write down on a card, on a note tucked into his pocket, on the mirror in lipstick, how hot, how sexy, how handsome, how loving her man is. Men need visual cues." It's not that men don't like flowers or getting presents, it's just that, well, remember the "calculated reward"? What men, most men, really want (I'm sure there are exceptions but I don't know any personally) is an exciting, erotic evening. That, ladies, is your second duty for the evening. If it is appropriate for your relationship, and you really want to make him (or her, my lesbian friends remind me) happy, make his erotic fantasy come true. Buy something sexy from Victoria's Secret or Forbidden Fruit and replace the fluffy house shoes on the side of the bed with stilettos! Break out the whipped cream and the honey and the feather duster! It's difficult work, I'll admit, but necessary for romantic harmony and long-lasting happiness. "Yes, that's pretty much it; that's what I'm planning," Fleming said, taking her own good advice.

Valentine's Day is not just for lovers. Remember in elementary school when you had to bring a Valentine to everyone in class? February 14 is a day to celebrate love, and not just Cupid's erotic romance. Because we forget that, our single friends sometimes suffer. My girlfriend Stacie has been single the past couple of years. She says that, without a sweetie, Valentine's Day is just another day to get through. "I kind of just wait for it to pass," she said sadly.

"For those of us not coupled, the day can be painful, grief-filled," says Anna Gonzalez-Sorensen, a relationship counselor with more than twenty-five years experience teaching couples how to get the love they want. "A healthy way for those who are unattached to look at Valentine's Day is to celebrate other people's love. This is a day that honors love, and those who are blessed to have a beloved should also celebrate their single friends." When you're picking out flowers for your sweetie, remember to give some to a beloved, but unattached, friend.

And if you're not currently in a relationship, it doesn't mean you have to spend Valentine's Day alone. Get together with another single friend and do something special together.

No matter what your plans are for the Valentine's Day, just remember you can't really go wrong with a wonderful meal (remember to make reservations well in advance), some good music, plenty of compliments and an unexpected treat. With that in mind, we've toured Austin's restaurant scene and selected a wide variety of special places for lovers (and best friends) to dine on this very special day.

Bellagio Italian Bistro
6507 Jester Blvd., 512-346-8228
Named for the resplendent retreat town on the peak of Mount San Primo in Northern Italy, Bellagio Italian Bistro is tucked away in a small shopping center just inside the entrance to Jester Estates, near the intersection of FM 2222 (Bull Creek Road) and Loop 360. Bellagio offers an extensive and very reasonably priced menu of fresh pastas and specialties that emphasizes the traditional cuisine of Northern Italy. For Valentine's Day, owner and chef Steve Loiacono is planning a menu of elaborate special dishes as well as everyday favorites of a cuisine that is inherently romantic. He says dining at Bellagio is always a romantic adventure. "We have already been taking reservations since the beginning of last year for Valentine's Day and there will be a number of couples who will become engaged to be married that evening, so the atmosphere and the whole dining experience will be impeccable." Enjoy the elegant, Old World décor and relax. You won't feel that you need to rush your romantic dinner.

Canyonside Café and Grille
3525 S. RR 620, 512-263-4205
Canyonside, located a little more than a mile north of where 620 intersects US Highway 71, is nestled on a ridge that affords a breathtaking view of the Balcones Canyonlands Preserve. The Texas Hill Country vista provides a dramatic backdrop for romance. Arrive early because watching the sunset will be an alluring, sensual experience that will only enhance your dining experience. The restaurant, owned by chef Sherry Crickmer and her brother Bill Tulloch, offers a hearty selection of eclectic New American cuisine with a flavorful southern drawl. "That evening we'll offer a three-course menu with at least one dish that the couple can share," said Crickmer. "Everything, from the view to the music to the menu, will whisper romance."

Driskill Grill, Driskill Hotel
604 Brazos St., 512-474-5911
Executive chef David Bull has been selected by Food & Wine magazine as one of the Top Ten Chefs in America and his restaurant is known all over the country for excellence in every aspect of the dining experience. For Valentine's Day, the Grill and Hotel are offering incredible package rates for those who want a true destination experience. The prix-fixe, five-course dinner includes dishes that sound erotic, so imagine the taste. A sampling? Black Truffle Sabayon, Sea Urchin Cream, Champagne Sorbet, Golden Ossetra Caviar and Lobster Fricassee. Chef Bull says that each ingredient is selected to enhance the passionate quality of the dish. "There's a history and a heritage of foods purported to be aphrodisiacs and I definitely allow that to inspire the menu for the evening." Valentine's Day destination packages include a flexible choice that can include dinner, an overnight stay in one of the historic hotel's romantic suites and breakfast the next morning.

Eddie V's Edgewater Grill
301 E. 5th St., 512-472-1860
Walking into Eddie V's is like stepping into an exclusive club where you are a longtime and honored member; it's comfortable, upscale but not the least bit snooty. Soft lights, rich wood paneling and soft leather make for a warm and inviting ambiance that invites the relaxation so essential for romance. The V Lounge sports a horseshoe-shaped bar and features live music every night of the week. So successful is the combination of intimate atmosphere and a menu dominated by succulent seafood, that restaurant manager Jeff Freeman says they have no special plans for Valentine's Day; Eddie V's is already popular with lovers. "Our menu will only offer specials for two, but otherwise stay the same." And why not? Seafood is inherently sensuous and the restaurant's signature snapper dishes are tender and tasty enough to make your mouth water just thinking about them.

Fonda San Miguel
2330 West North Loop, 512-459-4121
This restaurant, an Austin favorite since 1975, is nationally renowned and lauded for authentic Mexican cuisine. Drawing from many interior Mexican traditions in all their gloriously complex and subtle flavors, the menu features dishes whose origins are both ancient and, to those of us used to Tex-Mex, exotic. Like the food, the décor is both traditional and elegant. Cofounders Tom Gilliland and executive chef Miguel Ravago have overseen every aspect of design and decoration so that you truly have an authentic Mexican experience. Museum-quality paintings and artifacts are placed strategically throughout the restaurant, the staff is extremely knowledgeable about the cuisine, and no detail is left to chance. "Fonda" in Spanish means a small eating house or inn and that is the feeling that slips over you as soon as you walk up to the entrance of this incredible restaurant. Ravago says that as with every meal, Valentine's Day supper will be a superior experience. "Ah, yes. I do love Valentine's Day. Of course we will have roses for the ladies, and some dishes with tomatillo sauce to spice things up a bit. I try to stay away from the Like Water for Chocolate-type meals because they are so overdone, but still, of course you can expect something very special in addition to our regular menu."

Jean Luc's Bistro
705 Colorado St., 512-494-0033
Utterly sophisticated and yet delightfully quaint, Jean Luc's Bistro is an elegant little French-inspired restaurant in the downtown warehouse district just off Seventh Street on Colorado. Stepping down from the street level into the dining room simply transports you to a Gallic hideaway and it's easy to slip into a romantic mood for this special evening. Shawn Cirkiel, the young chef-owner who took over Jean Luc's a couple of years ago, is preparing a prix-fixe menu for the evening that will satisfy even the most demanding diner without breaking the bank. "We are planning an evening that will be overtly romantic with subtle sexual overtones," he said. "The menu will include four or five romance-themed courses including a kissing soup." Hmmm. Intriguing.

Jeffrey's Restaurant
1204 West Lynn, 512-477-5584
Jeffrey's Restaurant is so impeccably excellent in every facet of the dining experience that it is easy to see why it has maintained its position as an Austin upscale favorite for nearly three decades. Everything about Jeffrey's-from the exquisite food to the attentive service to the elegant ambiance-whispers romance. Chef David Garrido says the Valentine's menu will feature foods with purported aphrodisiacal properties to create an alchemical blend of tastes, textures and atmosphere that virtually guarantee an evening of sweet passion. "Tropical fruits, seafood-including fresh oysters flown in that day-and music to make people fall in love again. We will have roses for the lovely ladies; there will be candlelight, very romantic. It will be an exquisite evening, I can promise."

Kenichi Restaurant
419 Colorado St., 512-320-8883
Kenichi, at Fifth and Colorado, exudes a sleek urban hipness. Named for famed sushi chef Kenichi Kenada, the Austin warehouse hot spot has décor that replicates the stunning original in Aspen, Colorado. Sleekly designed, everything-from napkins and tablecloths to countertops, plates and the wait-staff uniforms-is black. If you want to stand out in this crowd of beautiful people, wear something simple and vividly colored. Make no mistake about it. Kenichi is more than a restaurant, it's a scene, a happening, an event. But don't let that distract you. Chef Kenichi himself prepares some of the best sushi and sashimi from the fresh ingredients flown in daily. Executive chef Shane Stark brilliantly serves up an amazing array of Nova Scotia oysters, caviar, Kobe quality beef and blue fin tartare, among other exotic treats. "Ours is the only restaurant in America that regularly has Sika deer on the menu," Stark says. For Valentine's Day, he plans a menu that features an erotic blend of meats, spices and utterly orgasmic desserts. No wonder folks fly in from around the country to dine at Kenichi.

Ms. B's
8105 Mesa Drive, 512-372-9529
An old African-American aphorism compliments an extremely tasty dish by saying that the cook "put her foot off in it." Well then, Ms. B (Brenda McGowan) and her husband Billy McGowan must stomp around in that gumbo and every other Creole dish they put their minds, hearts and hands to. Even New Orleans natives-notoriously picky about their spicy cuisine-accept Ms. B's as home cooking. Located in a small strip center off Spicewood Springs at Mesa, Ms. B's offers a blend of soft live jazz, candlelight, flowers and understated romance as part of the daily fare. But for Valentine's, the McGowans have something special in mind. "We're working on a five-course menu for the evening, something outstanding, of course, perhaps a stuffed trout, oysters, maybe even a turtle soup. I will go with what I feel. People find the richness of Creole food very sexy, you know, and very comforting. That's a wonderful combination for Valentine's Day."

Romeo's
1500 Barton Springs Road, 512-476-1090
There's something about Romeo's that is delightfully romantic and justifies the name, but I'm not quite sure what it is. The interior is decorated in plastic from ceiling to floor-plastic grapes, vines, tablecloths, bricks and floor tiles. Call it Nouveau Italian kitsch, call it tacky, but notice that there are always couples smooching and looking soulfully into each other's eyes. You'll find very good, authentic Italian food at very good prices. No need to dress up, as the atmosphere is cozy, comfortable and casual. Romeo's is the only restaurant on our list that does not accept reservations but there will be a special waiting area for the occasion. General manager Trent Taglieri says the restaurant will go the extra mile for lovers that evening. "We will have some pretty incredible specials…for Valentine's as well as our regular menu items. As always, tables will be candlelit and if we have live music, it will be acoustic strings." Now, that's amore!

K. Anoa Monsho is planning a private Lupercalia of her own whereupon she can be truly other-focused, giving her husband the peace he says he longs for. You may e-mail Anoa at amonsho@goodlifemag.com.